“I’m a pacifist. But when the revolution comes, I’ll destroy all of you.” 

Well, if she isn’t (dead), cremating her was a big mistake.”

“Come on, Ross, you’re a paleontologist. Dig a little deeper.”

"Oh you like that? You should hear my phone number." 

 I think I can safely say that we all have family issues, work, and/or are sick

To Ross: “If you’re not careful, you might not get married at all this year.” 

“I’m glad we’re having a rehearsal dinner, I rarely practice my meals before I eat.” 

“It’s always better to lie than to have the complicated discussion.”

“What must it be like not to be crippled by fear and self-loathing?”

 "This parachute is a knapsack!" 

“Hi, I'm Chandler. I make jokes when I'm uncomfortable." 

"You're a door. You only like knock-knock jokes."

Rachel: "Hey, I cook!"

Chandler: "Offering people gum is not cooking."

 “Oh, man. In my next life, I’m coming back as a toilet brush!”

“Oh, I know. This must be so hard. ‘Oh, no! Two women love me. They’re both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet’s too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!'”

“Alright, I took the quiz. And it turns out I do put my career before men.”

 “When I first meet somebody it’s usually panic, anxiety, and a great deal of sweating.”

“Oh god. Can open. Worms everywhere!”

“I tend to keep talking until somebody stops me.”

"I'm a gym member. I try to go four times a week, but I've missed the last twelve hundred times."