"Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You're gonna love it." —Monica Geller

"Now, I need you to be careful and efficient. And remember: If I am harsh with you, it's only because you're doing it wrong." —Monica Geller

"Not just clean, 'Monica clean.'" —Monica Geller

 Rachel: “I’m not someone who goes after a guy five minutes after he’s divorced.”

Monica: “No, you go after them five minutes before they get married.”

"Guys can fake it? Unbelievable! The one thing that's ours!" —Monica Geller

 "Is it me? Is it like I have a beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?" —Monica Geller

 "You can't fire me. I make your decisions and I say, 'I'm not fired.' Ha." —Monica Geller

Rachel: "Go tell him he's cute. What's the worst that could happen?"

Monica: "He could hear me."

"If you're too afraid to be in a relationship, then don't be in one." —Monica Geller

"It's never taken you more than a shower to get over a relationship." —Monica Geller

Monica: “I know of two surefire ways to shut a man up. And one of them is sex.”

Rachel: “What’s the other one?”

Monica: “I don’t know. I’ve never had to use the other one.”

"I'm not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?" —Chandler Bing 

"I'm hopeless and awkward and desperate for love!" —Chandler Bing 

 “So it seems like this Internet thing is here to stay." —Chandler Bing

 "If I were a guy and... Did I just say 'if I were a guy?' —Chandler Bing

 “Cheese. It’s milk that you chew.”

“No, Homo habilis was erect. Australopithecus was never fully erect.”

“Well, maybe he was nervous.”

 "I can handle this. "Handle" is my middle name. Actually, "handle" is the middle of my first name."