"Until I was 25, I thought the response to 'I love you' was 'Oh, crap.'"
"I say more dumb things before 9 A.M. than most people say all day."
"I'm a gym member. I try to go four times a week, but I've missed the last twelve hundred times."
“I tend to keep talking until somebody stops me.”
“Oh god. Can open. Worms everywhere!”
“When I first meet somebody it’s usually panic, anxiety, and a great deal of sweating.”
“Alright, I took the quiz. And it turns out I do put my career before men.”
“Oh, I know. This must be so hard. ‘Oh, no! Two women love me. They’re both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet’s too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!'”
“Oh, man. In my next life, I’m coming back as a toilet brush!”
Rachel: "Hey, I cook!"
Chandler: "Offering people gum is not cooking."
"You're a door. You only like knock-knock jokes."
“Hi, I'm Chandler. I make jokes when I'm uncomfortable."
"This parachute is a knapsack!"
“What must it be like not to be crippled by fear and self-loathing?”
“It’s always better to lie than to have the complicated discussion.”
“I’m glad we’re having a rehearsal dinner, I rarely practice my meals before I eat.”
To Ross: “If you’re not careful, you might not get married at all this year.”
I think I can safely say that we all have family issues, work, and/or are sick
"Oh you like that? You should hear my phone number."
“Come on, Ross, you’re a paleontologist. Dig a little deeper.”
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