“Does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?”
“Ross! We broke up two years ago. You’ve been married since then. I think it’s okay that we see other people.”
"Oh I'm sorry, did my back hurt your knife?"
“You know what? I just shouldn’t be allowed to make decisions anymore.”
“I’m gonna go get one of those job things.”
Isn’t this exciting! I earned this! I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally… not worth it. Who’s FICA? Why’s he getting all my money?”
"I hope it's still funny when you're in hell."
“Hey, what do you think is a better excuse for why I’m not drinking on this date tonight: I’m a recovering alcoholic, I’m a Mormon, or I got so hammered last night I’m still a little drunk?”
Oh, that's okay, girls tend to not like me."
“Oh, are you setting Ross up with someone? Does she have a wedding dress?”
“Well, maybe I don’t need your money. Wait, wait! I said, ‘Maybe
“These are just feelings. They’ll go away.”
“Here come the meat sweats.”
“I look a woman up and down and say, "How you doin'?"
“Well, the fridge broke, so I had to eat everything.”
“Over the line? You’re so far past the line that you can’t even see the line! The line is a dot to you!”
“You can’t just give up! Is that what a dinosaur would do?
“You don’t own a TV? What’s all your furniture pointed at?”
“I like it. What’s not to like? Custard? Good. Jam? Good. Meat? Good.”
“Okay. So I’m out four thousand dollars and nobody’s boobs are getting any bigger?”
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